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VOICE OVER: Rebecca Brayton WRITTEN BY: George Pacheco
#10: The Crash Test Dummies
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration
No, we’re not talking about the semi-forgotten alternative rock band from the nineties. Instead, we’re highlighting Larry and Vince, a pair of dummies so popular, a toy line was even modeled after their likenesses! Still, this isn’t to say that their ‘80s and ‘90s PSAs didn’t occasionally venture beyond the pale when it came to their animatronic antics. Larry and Vince’s cold, dead eyes may make sense (you know…because they’re not, well, alive) to their characters, but they’re more than a bit creepy. Although, we can’t help but smile every time we hear “Garfield” and “Real Ghostbusters” voice actor Lorenzo Music on these adverts!
#9: Dogman
Cadbury
We’re not quite sure what the folks at Cadbury were on when they decided that a man/canine hybrid was a good visual cue to help sell their chocolate. Maybe they were sneaking some illicit substances into the mix that day? What else could explain this frightfully weird ad featuring a hyperactive dog with an equally excited human head, barking for treats? It’s the sort of idea that seemed doomed from the start, a misstep that would live on forever in lists and videos like ours, celebrating the weird world of old nightmare fuel advertisem*nts from the ‘90s.
#8: Got Milk?
Trix
Many of you probably have fond memories of cereal-loving kids always outwitting the Trix Rabbit when it came to sharing their sugary goodness. A good lot of us also probably remember comedian Harland Williams and his uniquely chaotic brand of comedy. However, did you know that Williams once starred in a disturbing Trix commercial…as a disguise of human skin? Yup, the Trix Rabbit (disguised as Williams) finally gets his hands on a bowl of his coveted, titular cereal. He makes sure to creepily unzip that skin suit before attempting to enjoy his treat, however, which is where the frights come in. Sure, the “Got Milk?” punchline is what’s intended, but we never forgot this mental image.
#7: Watermelon Nightmares
Pop-Tarts
The world of commercial advertising can be a weird, wild place. Oftentimes, even the most left-of-center ideas can be greenlit, in the hopes that their innate weirdness just might catch on. We’re not entirely sure this advert for Watermelon Pop-Tarts was successful at selling its product, but it certainly stood the test of time with regards to creepiness. The musical score sets up the ad like a horror movie, with a well-dressed man parading a scarily-carved watermelon in a baby carriage. He then wears said Baby Watermelon on his head while eating Pop-Tarts, and…well, it’s as unsettling as it sounds.
#6: The Slim Jim Man
Slim Jims
It doesn’t matter whether or not you know him as The Eat Me Guy, The Slim Jim Man or (if you’re his mother), Demetri Goritsas, these ads were WEIRD. And oddly aggressive, too. Goritsas often feels like he’s doing an Ace Ventura impression as The Slim Jim Man, exaggerating his mannerisms in a way that doesn’t feel too removed from Jim Carrey. The sets are often wildly imaginative, but usually nightmarish in both tone and execution. Goritsas also bursts through the Slim Jim logo at the ending, begging us all to, ahem, “eat him.” Other times, The Slim Jim Man just feels like a fever dream, a hyperactive demon of our collective imaginations that we forgot existed.
#5: Giant Heads
Gushers
Advertisem*nts for Gushers candy have become somewhat synonymous with an innate weirdness. For example, that ad with the talking starfish and the girl mistaking a small squid’s discharge for gusher goodness. Elsewhere, there are the commercials for Gushers’ Fruitomic Punch varieties…you know, the ones that featured anthropomorphic fruit people? Nineties kids definitely remember being spooked out by how these kids turned into creepy produce people after imbibing the sugary sweet candies. If you DON’T remember these ads, however, then allow us to burn these images into your collective brains forever.
#4: Hip Choice
Concerned Children’s Advertisers
On one hand, we admire the good intentions behind most of the PSAs developed by Canada’s Concerned Children’s Advertisers. However, their execution left a LOT to be desired, especially how they seemed hell-bent upon invading our dreams with some truly unsettling puppetry. For starters, the “wholesome” puppet kids don’t look all that wholesome, a sentiment made worse by some wonky-sounding audio dubbing. Elsewhere, the back-alley drug dealer possesses a RIDICULOUSLY scary pair of bloodshot eyes after he takes off his sunglasses. The effect was so frightening, that an alternate version of the ad eliminated the eye imagery altogether!
#3: The Puttermans
Duracell
It’s nothing new for companies to try establishing a mascot to carry their brand. It’s another thing entirely for such an attempt to fail as spectacularly as The Puttermans. This was an ad campaign by Duracell that featured a family of battery powered people that ALWAYS outlasted their competition. The intention was to compete with the Energizer Bunny, but the end results looked more uncanny than likable or friendly. The Puttermans possessed a visual aesthetic similar to that of the band Primus in their video for “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver.” It’s grotesquely exaggerated, strangely unsettling and probably NOT the brightest idea Duracell ever had…although the initial ads were actually helmed by future “Men In Black” director Barry Sonnenfeld. The more you know.
#2: Plug Me into a Sega
Sega
They may have come up with a catchy rhyme for this ad, but otherwise we’re unsure how they sold any systems with this creepy Sega commercial– it’s total nightmare fuel! The deep, warped voice coming from the bodyless, amorphous face baked into a TV test card was undoubtedly a strange advertising choice. Seriously, how did they expect kids to react to this? Not to mention, this catchphrase itself – “plug me into a Sega” – is peculiar, to say the very least. This commercial aired from 1989 through the 90s – and we have no clue how it lasted that long!
#1: Don’t Put It In Your Mouth
Concerned Children’s Advertisers
Man, what WAS with Concerned Children’s Advertisers, and their obsession with creepy puppets? The ad campaign for “Don’t Put It In Your Mouth,” was, again, designed with the best of intentions. Nobody wants to see little kids accidentally ingest prescription medication or spoiled food. The little boy puppet with the guitar at least has a more pleasant voice than the “Hip Choice” kids from earlier. The little GIRL puppet, however? That’s a whole other story, since her facial reactions are almost needlessly creepy and over-the-top. Her eyes bulge out, her weird, creepy little teeth make us cower in the corner…ugh, this one just never gets any easier to watch, does it?
Which ‘90s commercial gave you the heebie-jeebies? Let us know in the comments!
